Sad but true...

It is sad but true, that when we open ourselves up to love and be loved, we open ourselves up to the possibility of loss.   It does not have to be the death of a loved one, it can simply be the grief that can accompany any circumstance where there is someone or something other than you in it.

As many of you may, or may not know, I am presently widowed, not once, but twice, in a nine-year period.  

My life was tremendously blessed with loving, attentive and encouraging husbands.  They were just what I needed in my life.

Larry and I dated for almost four years, and we were married for a little over 12 years.  We were a “couple’s couple”, and you rarely saw one of us without the other. Sadly, Larry passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack, in October of 2005.  

After Larry’s sudden death, I depended totally on God to bring me through.  My world was violently shaken and turned completely upside down.  Sometimes the loss hurts so deep that you feel you will never make it through!!   But, you will….and you do!!!

About a year and a half after Larry’s death, I met my husband John in church. After our initial hello in church, I started running into him when I did my beach walk.  We started dating and dated for about a year before we married.  We were married for almost six years. John was a true blessing in  my life and really would do anything for me!  God allowed me to love and be loved again when it looked like I would never be able to find that kind of love again.  Sadly, John passed away suddenly in May of 2014, from a heart attack.  

Can I tell you that suffering the same type of loss a second time made it NO easier!!! I was again faced with such sorrow and  shock!  I don’t want to use the word despair….but, it’s something pretty close!

In these times, we have to trust that God, being the Sovereign, omniscient God who knows ALL things, sees what we are going through and will help us to get through the lowest seasons of our lives.  I promise - He will help you if you allow yourself to be helped. 

Give yourself time to grieve.   The length of time this will take varies for each individual.  Do not rush through it, but also, do not get stuck in it.  

Spending time with God and telling Him just how you feel is in itself somewhat freeing.  Granted, He already knows what you  feel, and no, it won’t change your situation, but, at least you have gotten it off of your chest (maybe for the 100th time)!  Spending quiet time by yourself with soft worship music can be so soothing.  Yes, it may elicit feelings of sadness and tears, and no, it won’t change the situation either, but, tears come from the depths of our soul, proclaiming both sadness and joy!  They cleanse, and often express what we simply can not.  I guess that’s why they call it a “good” cry!  So, go ahead and get your cry on…………sometimes it’s just what we need.  

It is far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all!  

My story... the beginning

So, as promised, in this post I will share some of my story.  I met my husband in 1989.  We dated for almost four years and married in 1993.  He was a wonderful man!! Let’s just call him Larry (since that is his name) J Ours was a marriage filled withlots of love talking, beach walking and a whole lot of blessings and laughs.   “A couple’s couple,” we were.  We served in church together, and followed the advice given us by an elderly couple who had been married for 50 years, to………stay close!  Did we have challenges??  We absolutely did, but, we also shared the love of our heavenly Father, and a love between the two of us that overcame every challenge we faced. 

We had both been married previously.  Neither of those marriages worked out, but thank God we didn’t give up on the whole idea ofmarriage because we would have missed out on a beautiful plan God had for us, a true covenant relationship that was Christ-centered, loving, giving, sharing, agreeing on things and watching them come to pass, as well as being there for one another during life’s trying times.     

It was a marriage with lots of learning curves and lots of stability…Disappointments yes,   challenges yes, but plenty of victories and an abundance of blessings.    We had little pet names for one another, things that we laughed at that were just between the two of us.

Oct. 5, 2005 – The saddest day of my entire life, the very lowest of lows.  My “honey husband,” the love of my life died of a heart attack.  The pain and loss that I felt at that time was indescribable.  How could I ever describe the immense griefthat this sudden loss and separation caused me.

We went to bed on Tuesday night, Oct. 4th at about 10:30 p.m. with nothing out of the ordinary.  Larry didn’t complain of anything bothering him.  He apparently got out of bed at some point during the night to work on the computer.  He then went into the bathroom, and that is where I found him on Wednesday morning.  My world literally fell apart.  Everything that I had known, everything that I had grown so accustomed to, everything that was so good and so comfortable was suddenly gone from me, and all I could think was ………God, this can’t be happening to me!!  Help me, God, help me………..and believe me…….He has! 

My faith in my Savior strengthened me, and allowed me to keep going, knowing that He would sustain me.  I know that the bible states that God will not put more on you (allow) than you can bear, so, though unconvinced that I really could bear this loss……..I did.

I began to take each day as it came, and stopped looking so far down the road, spending time trying to figure out how things would work out, when I had no clue how they would turn out…..just faith.

Please check back in for more of my story and more help and hope for you!!!

                                                            Blessings,

                                                                      Vicky!